Psalm 38:15

Psalm 38:15

For it is for you, YHWH, I waited;
You, you will answer, my Lord my God.

WAIT WITH HOPE FOR WE ARE PRECIOUS TO GOD

I had begun the year with a clear resolve to walk closely with the Lord, depending on his Spirit’s guidance. The first two months went wonderfully well. Every morning I would wake up with either a song or a Scripture verse in my heart that prepared me for the day’s challenges beforehand.

Then one unexpected morning the light seemed to switch off. The words and the songs ceased; the spiritual motivation dried up, and the joy evaporated. I did not find the strength to minister to others in need. I felt like a weak, crumpling piece of clay.

That week also marked the beginning of the Lent season, and at our TTC Wednesday Chapel service I lined up with others before the altar for the imposition of ash, a symbol of our brokenness and contrition before God. When I heard the words, “From dust you came, to dust you shall return,” they resonated with every part of my inner being. I felt utterly confronted by the feebleness and finitude of my own existence.

The Palmist could identify with such feebleness. He was “bent” and “bowed down” and “walked in darkness” (v. 6), under the overwhelming weight of his sin and shame (v. 7), coupled with the incessant hounding of his enemies (v. 12) and the alienation of his companions (v. 11). He too was confronted with his human mortality.

But the Psalmist had hope. The Hebrew word “yakhal” for “waited” connotes the idea of a bold expectation. The Psalmist’s waiting was not the fatalistic or cynical kind, but a firm anticipation that YHWH himself will show mercy to this weak, crumpling clay he has made.

The sense of spiritual darkness reminded me that nothing in my mortal, fallen nature could accomplish what the Lord required of me. It taught me instead to look to the Lord, because as the psalmist said, “You, you will answer.” As Dr Maggie said of her Ash Wednesday experience, “Every grain of dust is precious to him.”

Anna Luu
(M.Div., Yr 2)